Description

ZEbras in the supermarket

A rampant herd of zebras galloped through the supermarket

Causing consternation as they passed in a hurry past curry

Causing untold worry for older shoppers

Who didn’t know they sold ‘em

Except for Hilda Mitchell who’d told ‘em

She’d seen a giraffe

These last three visits

But no-one would believe her

Thought she was having a laugh



Shoppers thought it was amazing

To see those zebras grazing

They’d never seen such scenes

Amongst the veg displayed for sale

Nibbling lettuce, caulis, beans

Broccoli and greens

Celery and aubergines

Andeven curly kale



Mothers pointed with surprise

Or they shielded kiddies’ eyes

From a mating couple in the aisle cavorting

Disporting generous endowment in that zebrine under-belly

But kids cope with such dramas

Just saw horses in pyjamas

And besides they’d seen much worse upon the telly



The manager (pedantic in his keeping of the rules)

Was frantic at the antics of these two romantic mules

He rushed hither

Scampered thither

'Til his strength began to wither

And although his staff all heard him

As he told them to get herding

They were stackers

They were packers

They were vendors of tobaccos

But when it came to herding zebras

They were fools



On vegetables and greens replete

The herd then hastened past the meat

As if the whiff of fresh flesh

Stirred some inner instinct to take flight

As well they might

For the butchers came out

For a butchers no doubt

And weighed up these new resources

But their supermarket chain endorses

That they shouldn’t slaughter horses

But does a zebra count?

By the rules they were pre-empted

Though they certainly were tempted

With such large amounts

Of fresh cheap meat



Two old dears with rolled up brollies

Set about defending trolleys

Thought the whole thing rather jolly

More fun than W.I.

Barricaded in the cafeteria

Swiped each plump and striped posterior

Feeling brave and quite superior

“Bravo!” one heard them cry



Meanwhile, Barry from Security

In the car-park with a fag

Heard the tannoy call

What a drag!

Completely missed the whole invasion

Though his powers of persuasion

Were likely ineffectual anyway

Though he’d done the NVQ

He’d got stuck at level 2

And animals from the zoo

Were not

As far as he recalled

A part of the equation



Meanwhile, the alpha-zebra

The leader of the pack

Was shepherding his harem

And the fillies at the back

While the up-and-coming colts

One day alpha-males themselves

Were studiously browsing through the shelves

Except for one young buck

Who ran amuck

Tried his luck

‘Cause he thought he saw a filly that he fancied

Tried his chances

Tried to nuzzle with his muzzle

But was left alone to puzzle

Why the stripey top in ladies' wear

Resisted his advances

Should have gone to Specsavers!

Special offer! Just this week!

Black and white embellished frames

Ever so, ever so chic!

Would suit zebras.



(They say that zebra lasses make passes

At asses who wear glasses?

Or do they just like horses

Not the ones with stripey arses?)



Vicki on the checkout

(That’s Vicki with an “i”)

Peering out through trowelled-on mascara

From behind that fringe-y curtain

Wasn’t certain

If they needed help with packing

Or should she get some sacking

Because customers were slipping



All the beeping and the bipping

As the self-serve read the barcodes

Emblazoned on those creatures hides

Caused mayhem at the checkout

Beeping and red flashing light

Gave those animals a fright

Gave those zebrine critters jitters

More than one had got the squitters

Left the bagging area littered

With their unexpected items



As finally that herd vacated

The news to friends was soon related

By text and call and even twitter

Acts of heroism were inflated

The manager had soon dictated

An assurance that burgers were not contaminated

Customers were all placated

With vouchers, discounts, fresh manure



One last lone straggling zebra

Made away with trolley-basket

Couldn’t find a bay to park it

The day the herd of zebras galloped

Through the supermarket



(Exceptfor Hilda Mitchell)

No-one noticed

By the bottle-bank loitering

A single giraffe

Just reconnoitring

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