I staggered down the alleyway

Not sure what I was doing

I may have had too much to drink

I had no way of knowing

For this, for me, was something new

I was a virgin boozer

I tried to keep up with my mates

Didn’t want to look a loser

But then I felt light-headed

My feet, they tripped and stumbled

“I’ve got a can of paint,” said Chip

“Let us spray,” I mumbled

So there, in letters large as life,

Though spattered round the edges,

Upon the churchyard wall we wrote

Our edifying message.

GOD IS A WAKNER, Chip wrote first

With irony dyslexic

AND SO IS BUDDHA, Bazza scrawled

He’s nowt if not eclectic

And then it came to my turn

But it wasn’t so enlightening

I just sprayed the contents of my guts

Upon our passage writings.

writes of passage

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