I used to be a unicorn
Of proud and noble stance
Leaping from tussock to grassy mound
In balletic equine dance.
I’d toss my mane, extend my neck,
My horn would sparkle brightly;
Unicornesses swooned at my charms
(With any luck, twice nightly.)
But then I discovered chocolate
And puddings and other such stuff,
Sweets and donuts and fresh, creamy cakes
I just couldn’t get enough!
I gorged myself, I stuffed myself,
I just kept increasing my weight
But it wasn’t really my fault -
It’s my metabolic rate!
Elephants would comfort me;
They said, “Size doesn’t matter”
But it matters to a unicorn
If you just keep getting fatter.
My galloping slowed to trotting
And then to a lumbering clump -
As I sank in despair, I was oh so aware
Of the state of my waddling rump.
Though I did try to diet for all I was worth
I failed miserably – Oh it was sickening -
But worse than the mirth at my increasing girth
My horn was continually thickening.
You’ve no need to tell me, I can see for myself,
The truth is obvious, I know
I’m no longer a unicorn, sylph-like and slender -
I’ve turned into a rhino!