Some Cheddar cheese,
Some Danish blue,
6 corny ghosts and a pile of poo?
Some curly cakes.
Does the fishmonger really sell dolphin steaks?!
A packet of cats,
Two tinselly toms,
A pack of a dozen home-made bombs,
A pickled gnome,
A jar of slime,
2 Marks & Spencer £10 meals,
An odious monk,
4 putrid seals.
When I wrote this down was I just a bit pissed?
Is this what they mean by Brahms and Liszt?
2 pregnant pandas,
4 pink and purple salamanders…
A bottle of gin (my favourite tipple),
A ton of ice-cream (raspberry nipple)
Oh come on now, this is absurd!
Who’d want to buy a minty turd?!
And what the Dickens is condom glue?
I must track it down - I get 3 for 2.
I know for a fact I need red wine
But where will I find a porcupine?
Two fresh randy tarts sounds good to me;
I’ll pay for one and get one free.
The vicar’s coming round for tea –
That’s one for him and one for me.
I don’t mind shopping usually
Though today I am perplexed:
What’s the point of a shopping list
If you don’t remember your specs?!