mind games and the offside rule

The coolness of your greeting

The absence of your kiss

Both indicate we’re set to play a game

The one I know too well

Whose rules I still can’t fathom

Though the mode of play is usually the same

“Are you OK?” I query

You grunt a non-reply

A silent whistle signals ball in play

I’m sure I put the bins out

I know I fed the cat

What else was it I had to do today?

I try a throw in – “Work OK?”

Again I’m kicked to touch

We play the game of “Guess what’s in my head”

“Traffic bad as usual?”

A non-committal shrug

I might as well give up and go to bed.

I dare not mention calories

Or the phone-call from my ex

It’s enough to send you scowling in a huff

So you pour another gin

I bite my tongue again

Though even I know when enough’s enough

And then a compensating thought

I realise it’s not my fault

On the coffee-table sprawls the TV guide

Eastenders has been cancelled

Cos there’s footy on the telly

Bang goes my chance of scoring – I’m offside.

So I settle on the sofa

While you’re off to have a sulk

But you won’t find me all sad and broken-hearted

Cos if you watch the replay

You’ll see YOU got it wrong

I did NOT deserve to get myself red-carded.

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