I’d brushed my teeth; I’d shaved and showered
Completed my ablution
Even washed my mouth out
With that minty, blue solution.
Just about to leave the loo
Lifted the lid to check the basin
Floating there defiantly
A look-alike chocolate raisin.
We never had this trouble
When we pulled the chain to flush
No deposit would dare resist
That torrential gushing rush.
Then they invented handles
To evacuate your lavvy
I suppose they did the job OK
Once you were double-flush savvy
But pushing on these button things
(They’re supposed to work in a jiffy)
But, witness my “chocolate raisin”,
The results are very iffy
Have a bit of patience, I thought
Wait and do not rush it
Let the cistern fill again
Before you try to flush it.
I pressed more firmly this time
Then checked – it still was floating
This may be anthropomorphic
But I swear that the damn thing was gloating.
Now this will sound ridiculous
I know it sounds absurd
But however hard I tried and tried
I could not shift that turd
Well, finally I resorted
To pumping it with the brush
I set up quite a watery rhythm
But the damn thing still wouldn’t flush!
I spent nearly 20 minutes
A right “how do you do”
I finally admitted it
I’d met my Waterloo.
It’s still there.