Little Richard

I’d brushed my teeth; I’d shaved and showered

Completed my ablution

Even washed my mouth out

With that minty, blue solution.

Just about to leave the loo

Lifted the lid to check the basin

Floating there defiantly

A look-alike chocolate raisin.

We never had this trouble

When we pulled the chain to flush

No deposit would dare resist

That torrential gushing rush.

Then they invented handles

To evacuate your lavvy

I suppose they did the job OK

Once you were double-flush savvy

But pushing on these button things

(They’re supposed to work in a jiffy)

But, witness my “chocolate raisin”,

The results are very iffy

Have a bit of patience, I thought

Wait and do not rush it

Let the cistern fill again

Before you try to flush it.

I pressed more firmly this time

Then checked – it still was floating

This may be anthropomorphic

But I swear that the damn thing was gloating.

Now this will sound ridiculous

I know it sounds absurd

But however hard I tried and tried

I could not shift that turd

Well, finally I resorted

To pumping it with the brush

I set up quite a watery rhythm

But the damn thing still wouldn’t flush!

I spent nearly 20 minutes

A right “how do you do”

I finally admitted it

I’d met my Waterloo.

It’s still there.

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