hampered by poor hearing

I talked it all through with our Janet -

In truth it was her idea.

“You’ll have to order by phone,” she said,

“I don’t think they sell them round here.”

A basket of goods on a Christmassy theme

Some cake and preserve and some drink

Some cheeses and biscuits and that kind of thing

“They’ll like that,” she said, “Don’t you think?”

So I rang some directory thingy.

They gave me some numbers to call.

I rang up the first one they gave me,

Didn’t bother to ring round them all.

I’m not all that good on the telephone;

Can’t always make out what they say.

They asked me some questions

About colour and size and what I was hoping to pay.

When they asked me the size that I wanted.

I said, “A metre? A metre and half?”

“That’s a little bit big!” said the salesgirl.

I could tell she was stifling a laugh.

“Well, a smaller one then!” I retorted.

To be honest, I just had to bluff.

She mentioned some fruit and some nuts and some berries

It sounded like Christmassy stuff.

But somewhere in all these arrangements

A misunderstanding arose.

I found it quite difficult to hear what she said

And the same went for her, I suppose.

So if you’re left wondering about the delivery

And supposing it came from a prankster,

I’d better confess, I’m to blame for the mess:-

It’s me you can thank for the hamster!

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