every other Saturday

Every other Saturday

When we don’t see me Nan

We go to see me Granddad

What lives at Martin’s Corner

And we get two busses

And we change at Civic Centre

But you can’t miss your stop

‘Cos they all go to the turny-mal

And I get me ‘aircut

“A shilling!” says me Mum

“That’s bloomin’ daylight robbery!”

But it’s ‘er what makes me go.

And then me Uncle Ernie

Might take us to the park

And we just kick a ball about

And I’m West Ham

And we let some other kids play

‘Cos we can use their jumpers.

And then back to me Granddad’s

And we might get an ice-cream

If the man comes round

On his funny, pushy bike-thing

And me Dad’ll get some Tizer

Or maybe even cherryade

But don’t drink it fast

‘Cos it fizzes up your nose!

Then, when we’ve had some fish ‘n’ chips

Me uncles’ll play darts

And me Mum’ll play an’ all

And p'raps me Aunty Jean might

But not me Aunty Winnie.

And I’m not big enough to play

But they let me do the adding up

Three 19’s is 57

Three 18’s is 54

Three 17’s is 51

I know all the trebles

And the doubles an’ all, of course

Then me Uncle Stan

Will set me twenty spellin's

And I can get a tanner

If I get ‘em all right

And I can spell “scissors”

And “committee”

And “psychic”!

What means you can read minds and stuff.

And I got a dictionary for Christmas

And I’m gonna learn ‘em all.

And then me uncles might play cards

And I help me Uncle Ernie

But don’t tell Uncle George

‘Cos I’m counting up the cards

And I work out who’s got what

And if me Uncle Ernie wins

I get another tanner!

And me Granddad don’t talk English good

But that’s because he’s Belgium

And he had to run away from there

Or else he would get killed

And if he had got killed

I wouldn’t have been born

And that’s a strange thing

‘Cos … then who would I be?

And me Dad says I'm too filly-sophical

But you can't help doing thinking.

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