I’m waiting in the doctor’s
But I’m there before I’m needed
I shudda brung a book wiv me
And then I cudda readed
I like hysterical novels
They’re the sort I read the most
And autobiographicals
(Though I’m told they’re writ by ghosts)
I like to read the kinda books for which the public clamour
But best of all I love to read them books on English grammar
Cos then you get to learn to speak the English right and proper
So if you ever meet the Queen, you will not come a cropper
Cos she’s the one who must decide how words are wrote and said
A big responsibility is laid upon her head
Some folk say “dis” and “dat” and “dem”
They fink it’s all a joke
But I like to speak the language as it’s meant she should be spoke
So I do try to announciate each word – that’s the solution
And if I could afford it, I would do electrocution
And when I speak all proper like, they might give me funny looks
But I would say quite proudly that I owe it all to books.

Thank you!

English (as she is meant to be spoke)

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