Who doesn’t like a poem about daffodils?

Well – I don’t!

I don’t dislike the flowers

with their horny little heads

clustered in their hundreds

or their thousands

in their beds.

I don’t mind them waving

under the trees

along the track:

on a good day, if it’s sunny

you might catch me waving back.

But I don’t want to hear no daffodil poems!

extolling daffy “virtues”

and all that daffy schmuck.

I’ll come right out and say it -

I don’t give a “Daffy Duck”!

Yes – they’re very yellow.

Yes – they’re very pretty

in the country

in suburbia

or even in the city.

I can see that!

Which is my point precisely -

God’s designed them daffies nicely

to be seen and not be heard.

It’s their colours make a riot:

their little trumpets are quite quiet

and I don’t need fancy words

or other obfuscation

to appreciate the wonders of creation.

So what is it that I like?

What topics float my bike?

I like stuff that makes me laugh

About zebras and giraffes;

Dragons, fairies, elves and witches;

Pilgrim hares and office bitches;

ladders, lists and lust

and love that’s unrequited;

unicorns becoming hippos

even though they dieted;

incidents involving nuns

and stereotypical vicars;

things that make you laugh so much

you nearly wet your knickers;

funny things that happen

and amusing observations;

serious things that happen

and that cause you consternation;

things that make you angry

and really get your goat;

things that wind you up enough

to make you want to vote;

social injustice;

run-aground tankers;

bullies and fraudsters

and MPs and bankers.

So next time that you write

please spare me dull and trite.

Make me angry with invective!

Be contrary;

be reflective;

by all means philosophical;

by all means theological;

I’ll even cope with ammonites

and matters geological!

I just want something to excite me;

something to ignite me



Not usually, anyway.
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