I bought myself a brand new bike -
I’ve been meaning to get one a while.
Imagining cycling on warm, Summer days,
I stood with a big beaming smile.

I’d conquer the hills and I’d speed down the slopes
Enjoying the wind in my hair
I’d stop for a while for a packed picnic lunch
In truth, I’d not have a care

Then a thought crossed my mind – and a dark thought at that -
It’s a truth that you can’t contradict
There’s folks around here that will steal anything
And I wouldn’t want my bike to get nicked

Joy-riders once made away with my car
Smashed it up - so I know how it feels
So I thought I’d best set about making a shed
I could use it for stowing my wheels

It could go by the kitchen, alongside the fence

I’d worked it all out in my head
I designed it, aligned it, re-drew and refined it
‘Til at last I had planned perfect shed

Then off to Wickes to purchase the wood
4 by 2 should make a strong frame
When you’ve got possessions you wanna protect
Then sturdy’s the name of the game

I measured it, marked it, sawed it and screwed it
To make it as strong as you like
To make double-sure I then nailed it and glued it
They won’t get their hands on my bike!

Of a truth it’s the acme of tough garden sheds
The best one that’s ever been erected
It’s not just a shed – it’s a fortress is that
So I know that my bike’s well protected

A toughened steel hasp to secure the shed door
A padlock to push through and lock it
All told, by the time that I’d finished the job
I was 70 quid out of pocket!

But later that night as my head hit the pillow
At least I’d sleep sound in the knowledge
My bike would be safe and I’d ride it tomorrow
Just after my toast and my porridge

I slept well that night – there was never a doubt -
I was shattered with all my exertions
As birds softly twittered and woke me from slumber
I arose and I pulled back the curtains

Expecting to glow with some pride I looked out
But I soon filled with anger instead
Oh – there was my bike – propped up on the fence
But some bugger's stolen me shed!

BIKE shed

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