Matt & Denny met on a Monday
To plan to rob a bank
And Matty’s Mum (though she wasn’t there)
Is the woman you can thank
For putting the idea into their heads
With a chance remark she made
About the rising cost of living
And how little she got paid.
They met in Denny’s garden shed
Where they knew they’d get some peace
Amidst garden paraphernalia;
A hideaway from the police
Once they’d made the decision, they planned with precision;
Marked out the position on the sketch that they’d drawn.
It was quite elementary, showing exits and entries,
Thankfully no sentries, so no shotguns were sawn.
The getaway route was carefully planned
Avoiding closed circuit TV.
The pair then synchronised their phones:
They were ready as can be.
They both had brought disguises
(A bit of a palaver).
Matt wore a Maggie Thatcher mask:
Denny wore a balaclava
So they’d leave no fingerprints,
Matt wore Marigolds (how sad).
Denny - a pair of yellow gloves
He borrowed from his Dad.
With cat-like tread the intrepid pair
Approached the scene of the crime.
One last glance at a mobile phone
To check they were on time
Then the dirty deed was over
– As quick as a vicar’s wink -
They’d taken all precautions
So they knew they’d avoid the clink.
As quick as a flash they stashed their loot so nobody could see
In a sturdy, purple bag-for-life which had cost the pair 10p.
Then back to Denny’s garden shed,
A haven from pursuit,
Where Matt and Denny breathed a sigh of relief
As the pair surveyed their loot.
Then off to Matt’s kitchen where his Mum was still busy
Making jam from the fruit that they’d picked.
They dare not let on that the jars they had brought
For bottling the jam were all nicked.
Besides, Matt’s Mum would not have approved
Of the pair’s school holiday prank -
The day Matt and Denny (ten years old)
Raided Tesco’s bottle bank.